...in the pits, actually!
And it's not very pretty down there! And the longer I stayed, the worse it got. And the worse it got, the more difficult it was to remember what being out of the PITS is actually like!
So - here I am!
Last Thursday I had my last chemo. YES! "Twasn't bad - I came back to work on Friday and finished off the week. Both bosses were gone all week on mission projects - one to Peru and one to New Mexico. I had great plans to "organize" (don't laugh so hard!) and get some mundane tasks done that are better accomplished when no boss is around givingme new things to do. It's summer, after VBS and things have slowed down a bit. I'm thinking we only have a couple more mission projects to go out through the summer and August. I have a few things to do for them - not much and not time-consuming. Just last minute little deally-o's.!
The weekend was tough however. I got in the bed Friday evening and didn't really seriously surface until the wee hours of the morning on Sunday - that's a long time to wallow, toss and turn, pace and not really get any good rest! But I did sleep some and Sunday morning, I felt at least human and managed to do those household tasks that just can't wait - all except the laundry.
Because by Sunday afternoon - I was down-down-down again. I don't get nauseous with my chemo - I feel like I can say that now - since it is pretty much over! I do, however, get this really nasty metal taste in my mouth. It is not an understatement that I DO love to eat! And when that desire heads south, I know I am not feeling well.
I have learned......
1 - Gatorade is the very BEST! for times like these. (I don't care if they are full of sodium and a "quick fix" - they rock at just the right times!
2 - Television is a poor substitute for entertainment during these times. The noise bothers me - but far worse, is the content (or lack thereof...) of any decent programming in the wee hours of the morning or during the daytime hours, as a matter of fact. Boo Hiss!
3 - Pets (critters) who depend on me are good - they are in need of going "in and out" and "in and out" and "in and out" innumberable times during each 24 hours and they will NOT wait! Nor will they let me forget to feed them (or even get off THEIR schedule). This at least gets me out of the bed for a bit of time. Then it is straight back to that mess of bed sheets and blankets that I can kick on, kick off, kick on, kick off.
4 - My body's thermastat goes haywire during these bouts! Not pretty - I made sure I was prepared with plenty of changes of night clothes beforehand. Which ultimately means more laundry!
5 - Forget reading - I am able to read now - AGAIN! but during those first few days - nothing fills the empty hours but tossing and turning. I am only saved by the fact that "this too shall pass" and I will be able to indulge in endless reading withn the week. A friend brought me a FAMILY CIRCLE magazine the first evening - short non-pithy articles about how to unclutter, clean your refrigerator or make trash out of your treasure is at least slighty entertaining - but not for long. Then it is back to toss and turn, toss and turn...again.
BIGGEST lesson? Talk to at least one human very day - to remind you that there is life out there. I discovered this time that when I felt my very worst was when I needed to have a serious talk with myself and GET MYSELF OUT OF THAT BED! Pushing myself - I did walk to the mailbox yesterday afternoon - I didn't speak to anyone or let them see my bald head. I gathered my mail and came right back inside - it is HOT here these days. Not even a stint under the fans on the front porch would have helped. BUT I did see daylight! YAY!
I wanted to stay home this morning. I was encouraged to do so by a few buds. But I at least had an outfit to wear laid out for this morning and when I wok up at 5:30 a.m. ( ! ), I resolved to gie it the good "ole college try." and I managed to get to the office.
Granted...I teared up when I walked in and someone asked me how I felt, but it is NOW 12:43p.m. and time for my lunch ! (Big woop!) That's pretty much half a day - it would be stupid to head home and crawl back in to that "hole"!
So - one hour at a time - one foot in front of the other - I do feel a little more human - I actually can say with confidence, "Tomorrah is anotha day!"
Whew! YAY!
Over and out
(Notice the reading material - waiting for me from Amazon.com on my desk this morning - maybe this weekend I will feel like planting some containers - it doesn't matter what or how much - just one would be fine!) <-----THIS is an improvement in and of itself!
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